There was a time when things were ok

There was a time not that many years ago when I was ok. I had my family and my friends and while I still battled daemons in my head every day I felt I had people around me who wouldn’t give up on me.

I’m so sad to say that when I stepped out into the world as Debbie, those family and friends I thought I could trust walked away from me.

It’s impossible to put into words just what that felt like but imagine a bottomless pit of fear and darkness that you know every nightmare you ever had resided there waiting for you. Now imagine being in that pit, looking up and seeing your family and friends walking around above you. If only you could get there attention you would be saved from the pit. They could offer you a hand and pull you out.

Finally imagine every single one of them ignoring you. The louder you shout the more desperate you feel the more they walk away until none of them are in sight and you realise you are all alone in the world with nothing but fear, nightmares and demons surrounding you.

Now you know why I can not make new friends or allow anyone to get close to me again.